that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
