what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
