this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
