Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
