I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
