She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was confusing and full of hummus
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
