just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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