Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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