You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
