I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
