Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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