You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
