yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
