I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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