dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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