too bad you live with your parents still
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize