Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
