I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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