Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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