You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
