I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
