if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
