And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
