i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize