It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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