...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
