I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
