she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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