thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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