don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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