And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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