she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize