Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
