I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
