Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
