Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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