I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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