Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
