Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
