Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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