i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
