so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
