did you get engaged???
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
