Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
