i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
