I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
