so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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