I want to make a zoo with you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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