im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
