I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
