she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
