you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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