life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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