wake up i wanna do it froggy style
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
