did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
