i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
