I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
