found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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