And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
