I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
