she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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