I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
