I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
