she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
