i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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