No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
