I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
