Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
