I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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