I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
