People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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