Please, let me fuck your mom
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
