Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
