sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
